How to respond to evaluation comment that I have a brash personality?

It's very helpful that your manager has taken the time to give so many specific examples.  That suggests that this is a genuine situation, not just one person's vague feeling; and that it's a general pattern, not an isolated incident.  (In this answer, I'm assuming so.)

But it also gives you specific things you can focus on improving, if you want to:

• “Can be very self assured and dominant in my interactions with peers.”
  — There's nothing wrong with having good ideas (and knowing that you have good ideas), but sometimes other people have good ideas, too; so you need to give them the space to make their contributions, and give them fair consideration.  (Their ideas may turn out to be at least as good as yours!)

• “Can be very direct and forceful in my tone.”
  — If your ideas are good, and you explain them well, then they should speak for themselves; you shouldn't need to hammer them home.  You could try being slightly more gentle in how you make your case.

• “Can sometimes ask questions that are hard to answer at the moment and tend to put people on the spot.”
  — Hard questions can be a very useful way of identifying problems or gaps; but they can do that without being aimed at a particular person.  Perhaps you can raise them in a more general way, as questions for the group as a whole, or even for yourself to ponder, rather than expecting an immediate answer from a particular person.  Or you could raise them by email or some other way that gives people time to consider and respond.

• “Can sometimes fail to appreciate or read politics or social necessities.”
  — This is a bit vague, but seems to be about lack of awareness of some of the things that are going on around you.  So you could try to take more of an interest in the situations that other people are in, so you can be more sensitive to what they're going through.

• “Can sometimes take charge when not needed or act beyond my role and be impatient.”
  — This seems fairly clear, and I expect you can think of specific examples.  Yes, there are times when someone needs to ‘step up’ and take the lead; but doing so can also put people's backs up, and seem selfish and self-serving.  So before stepping up, you might consider whether it's really needed here, or whether there might be ways to generate consensus instead.

If there's a general pattern here, it may be that you come across as if you consider yourself and your contributions as more important than your colleagues.  (You may not really think that, of course!  But maybe it can sometimes appear that way?)

Being a manager, you naturally have a certain status within your organisation — but that doesn't mean you're always right, nor that your ideas are always better than everyone else's.  So maybe there's room for just a little humility?  (And by that, I don't mean putting yourself down; I mean lifting other people up.)  If you treat your colleagues with more respect, you might find that they respect you more for it.

Of course, it's entirely up to you whether you're prepared to accept and try to improve any of these things.

I note that you haven't asked us how to address them, how to improve, or how to become less brash — only how to ‘acknowledge’ and ‘respond’.  So maybe you're merely looking for some pretty words you can use to ‘deal with’ these points without actually changing anything, so you can forget about them and move on?  If so, I can't advise.

But if you can take any of them on board, and try to improve, then your response becomes easy: you can simply say that accept you might seem brash and imposing, and that you will be trying to improve that.  (You might even want to thank your manager for bringing these points to your attention, and ask for their help in addressing them.)  And that can pay great dividends for yourself as well as your colleagues.

The feedback seems pretty straightforward. To paraphrase: "We like what you do, but not always how you communicate." This is good news, because modifying your choice of words should be easier than rethinking your whole working/leadership style. I'll try to offer some ideas that might be of help.

Even when you think a team member is wrong, assume they have the best intentions. Acknowledge what they did that was good, or the aspects of their approach that was on-track. Then advise on what can be improved.

Speak as you would want to be spoken to. Take a moment to play your own words to yourself in your mind. Would you feel respected if you heard those words from someone else? How about if you heard them from a superior? If someone senior to us who doesn't necessarily owe us respect shows it anyway, people working under them appreciate that.

Leverage your past experiences. Think back to a person you know who inspired you with their positive leadership. Try to emulate the traits you admire about them in your own communication with others. Take mental notes when you are successful with this, so that it will come more naturally to you in the future.

Try to notice your own "bad habits" when communicating. We all have some. Maybe a certain choice of words seemed to get your point across in past arguments with a family member. It may be time to retire certain phrases if you identify that your choice of words is helping you make enemies.

If you are the kind of person who stubbornly feels the need to be "right" all the time, drop this habit now, because it doesn't serve you. there are plenty of people who "win" all their arguments, and are "right" all the time, but are alone because the rest of the world has given up on trying to convince them otherwise, and moved on. (I'm not saying this applies to you, just mentioning it generally.)

Although speaking exactly what's on your mind with no filter can be satisfying in the moment, getting the result that benefits you and your teammates most is better in the long-term. Softening your words can go a long way. On the other hand, if you say something technically correct, but rub people the wrong way when saying it, you might encounter push-back even when your ideas are good. Try not to negate what you do well by being unpleasant in your interactions.

If you need to give feedback to someone on a mistake, try to keep emotion and judgement out of it. Explaining the reasons why a particular course of action can be problematic is usually enough to get people to realize they screwed up, and they will try to do better. If they are receptive to feedback, finish with a word of encouragement.

Try to keep in mind that when you speak to someone in the workplace, the goal of the communication usually centers around information. And there are many different ways to convey the same information.

For example, when a member of the team is going about a task in an inefficient way:

• "You need to get better at this."

versus

• "How do you think this could be done better next time?"

The second wording gets the person you're speaking to to evaluate their own methods. It is not a direct criticism of them. And it places emphasis on the goal of improving company processes for the future.

Another example, when making a proposal to the team:

• "Obviously we should..."

versus

• "One approach we could try is..."

The second wording does not presume your way is the only way. It raises a suggestion, while still leaving space for the opinions of others.

Little changes in nuance like this can go a long way. And none of these suggestions require you to change how you do your job. With practice over time, you may find that you will no longer be considered "brash", but instead become looked up to as a fair and respectful leader, who people will want to get behind and support. Best of luck to you.

I was told questions were deep and well thought out but can be uncomfortable to answer to preserve one's image.

[...]

How do I respond without losing my status in management or respect from peers.

I couldn't help noticing that it sounds like the boot is suddenly on the other foot! You've suddenly been posed with a situation where your image is at stake and that you don't know how to answer on the spot!

On a serious note though, it sounds like you don't necessarily need to make any response to these remarks, whether publicly or at all.

They mostly sound like two sides of the same coin are being described, and that you are acting effectively as a manager.

If you're consistently being brusque in cases where gentleness would suffice, or if you're having to be so provocative to get things done that you risk upsetting a foundation of cooperation and collegiality, then of course tone things down.

But the brusqueness may also be necessary to get things done, and seemingly pacific relations can sometimes be underpinned by ineffectual or oppositional behaviours that manifest as the absence of initiative, energy, or appropriate and timely reactions to requests (rather than as something about the demeanor of the person responsible, when they are interacting socially), so it doesn't always necessarily follow that being nicer gets more things done or sustains a better environment of cooperation for the business.

The most useful response might be to talk about specific scenarios with your manager who has stated this feedback. If they can talk clearly and convincingly about your faux pas, then that will be a useful thing to learn from. On the other hand, they might just talk in airy platitudes, in which case the formal feedback is not necessarily going to be useful if you can't discern your own error or if the manager is fussing about nothing (a common approach amongst some managers to avoid giving wholly-positive feedback, that might otherwise warrant a pay rise they wish to withhold).

I have received somehow similar feedback myself in the past. Some things are just natural, and they just happen.

However, there are good news: the overall outcome can be improved. The things improved for me, and I will share some of my experience.

Here are a few thoughts about how to achieve improvement.

• you need to really want to change, and really do the things needed to improve.
• ask people around you to tell you that you do something wrong at the moment you do something wrong - in this way you have a realistic chance to see yourself "from-the-outside" - and to understand how other people feel when you do / say something; this was one of the more difficult things - to "train" to give me feedback right-on-time, not after 30 min or 1 hour or several days;
• seeing yourself from the outside can be difficult, and it might take some time; do not lose hope, just continue; the first time I heard me "from-the-outside" , I was horrified - and I just answered "two o'clock" when my manager asked about the time;
• try to analyze yourself as if you are another person, and someone else behaves towards you the way you behave towards others; keep in mind that not all people think or feel like you - what is totally innocent to you might be very destructive for others;
• find ways to express the same ideas in a politically correct way; you do not need to over-do it - just enough to not be rude or aggressive; e.g., Instead of "You are a liar" you might say "I know the truth to be different, like this: bla bla"
• request trainings of soft skills from the company - maybe even tuned for your specific needs;
• hire a coach / trainer / psychologist / specialist to guide you to improve; I have done this on a topic long ago, and it worked great.

How to respond to evaluation comment that I have a brash personality?

Something like:

I understand that people see me in a way that is not rooted in my intentions. I am willing to improve. I will do my own efforts, but please also help me with the following: bla bla (trainings, books, right-on-time feedback, alternatives of behavior...)

Specific idea: when you need to say something, do not say immediately. Allow 1 or two seconds for clearing the emotion away. It does not mater if it is a question, an answer, or just a random statement. It can come out with the wrong (level of) energy - and that is what you want to avoid.

Perhaps you could mention that you acknowledge that your words and tone might sometimes seem rude, but that you have the best of intentions; nevertheless, you will try to be more patient, compassionate, and attentive to the concerns of your colleagues.

Overall, from what you are saying, it appears your attributes enable you to make decisions requiring an immediate course of action, which can be important during a crisis--that is a positive quality. You can mention that, too.

By the way, it helps when you mention what country and industry you are working in; of course, maybe the advice above would have to be adjusted (or even dispensed with) given whatever culture.

There is another way to handle it. No one is perfect. If you realise that it could be true that some people feel that way, then you could acknowledge it and try and improve. Note, I am not suggesting that you change who you are. There are many ways to make the same point across.

Personally, I have taken negative criticism in my personality as a chance to correct a few things.

Or you could do nothing.

Having read your comment - I think I understand the issue.

It seems that you stood on a particular issue and were subsequently vindicated... but to do so, you had to be rather forthright in the discussion.

I, too, have experienced similar feedback and to be honest it is an area I still struggle with.

What I have found useful - is that where there is such a discussion occurring and you are having to be quite determined in the face of opposition is to take the discussion offline from a team meeting and have a smaller meeting with key stakeholders.

It sucks when your solution to a problem either doesnt work or is replaced in favor of a better solution.

It sucks even more when that happens in front of the whole team.

Something else you can do though, is give the person the opportunity to save face elsewhere.

Lets say there is a meeting discussing 4 items. On one of the items you have had to take a hard stance and that the person on the other side of the debate has some personal investment in the issue.

If you can find a way to allow them to save face - either by taking the lead on another item or even if you say in front of the team:

"I think that idea has merit, why dont we explore it more to see how it could work" so that whilst they have been rebuffed on one idea, they still get to leave the meeting feeling heard.

However

Sometimes being a leader is making a decision and sticking to it and some people who are upset at that will need to either get over it, or make the decision that this is not the job for them.

That is a hard reality.

Personally, I'd take that as a compliment.

It sounds as if your manager wants to use it as an insult, yet praises you for what got accomplished by being "brash". To me, it sounds as if they could be afraid you are trying to take their job. If this is the case, no amount of reassurances you can give them will make them realize this isn't the case, regardless if you aren't going after their job. Maybe they want to give you their job and are using this as a test to see if you have the "guts to stand up for yourself".

It's possible that they don't even understand the full context of what may have happened in many of the cases they are talking about. Maybe you gave people plenty of "wiggle room" to get things done, then either did it yourself or used "stern language" to get the person responsible for it to actually do it. And only your last responses to the situation were taken into consideration and/or reported to them.

If you wanted to be "brash" about the situation, you could ask your manager if they would rather have a "yesman", instead of someone who is self-assured, direct in approach, asks difficult questions that need answering, and can take charge if the need arises. Heck, most of the things your manager complains about are the very definition of a true leader. And even leaders can sometimes be impatient or fail to read office politics. And leaders are supposed to be dominant. In fact, there are a lot of times when a leader has to ignore office politics and ask uncomfortable questions to get things done.

There's no 100% right or wrong way to acknowledge this feedback. Not everyone will react to the same response the same way. Some people will expect you to cower and recede from the "brashness" while apologizing for it. Others will "test" you by calling it negative, yet want you to respond as if it isn't negative, to back up your actions with a "and if I were to do it over again, I'd do the same thing". And yet others will have mentioned these topics and it's you who are receiving it negatively.

Unfortunately, if you respond with a confident attitude that your actions were appropriate for the situations to someone who is looking for an apology, you're wrong. Also unfortunately, if you apologize to someone who is looking for you to be confident, you're wrong again.

Only you can understand who your audience is to know how to respond. And maybe even you don't.

Maybe your management is looking for a different response than your peers. And maybe some of your peers are looking for difference responses than other peers. Giving different responses to different people may make you sound unsure of yourself.

"You can please some of the people all of the time, you can please all of the people some of the time, but you can’t please all of the people all of the time." ― John Lydgate

My suggestion is to be confident and back yourself up. You don't have to be too specific on things, simply saying "I did what I thought necessary at the time" might be enough. After all, you are a manager and need to get your team to get things done. If you aren't self-assured, dominant, direct, or even sometimes forceful, along with all the other things you list, your team may not be as productive as they are. Your review even says that your team was more productive due to your actions. And your team may lose respect for you if you back down. That's assuming you weren't an actual jerk.

Just continue to not be a jerk, while trying to have fewer instances of being a jerk (as we all are sometimes a jerk), and you should be just fine.

If you feel the need to apologize while also being confident about yourself, apologize for specific instances, not your general attitude. "I didn't realize your dog had just passed away when I told you that you were running late and we needed your work for a deadline." Something to that effect, not "I'm sorry for having a spine. I'll try harder not to."

BTW, have you ever been tested for ADHD or Autism? What you say your manager described sounds a lot like how some people with ADHD and/or Autism act.

"With such limited diskspace, there is no way you'll understand what happened when anything goes wrong!"
=> I can imagine a person like you making such a remark.

Let's try to get this a bit friendlier, just by explaining your reasoning and rephrase thoughts as questions:

You: "I'm just wondering what might happen if anything goes wrong in that program. Ok, there is exception handling but if we don't capture the output, what's the sense?
So, I propose we create logfiles where we put exception related information. You, guys, agree?"
They: "Yes, why not."
You: "Please don't kill me, but I wonder why we should only log the things which go wrong: if we log also the things which go well, we might have something to compare with, and as we are logging anyway, why not simply log everything, or at least as much as possible?"
They: "??? Everything? As much as possible? Won't that be a lot?"
You: "Well, that's my point: if we log everything, we might flood the diskspace of that system. Do you guys see a way out of this?"
...

So, you invite your colleagues into your thinking process and let them help/decide how to proceed, it will sound a lot friendlier.

I don't see anything negative here. A personality is a personality. Yours appears to 'get things done', that's not a negative trait.

Anyone who focuses on solutions and disregards pleasantries as time wasting will be deemed brash..... and valuable. So just say you will make an effort to be more empathetic and pleasant (add silently....."whenever it will not interfere with my workflow").